What’s one thing you wish you had started doing earlier in life?
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This question feels like What’s Your Biggest Regret’s nosy neighbor, and that’s too close for comfort for me. Regret is weird, right? If I went back and changed a bunch of things, I wouldn’t be living this life that I love.
That’s not to say it would be a worse life, or even a better one. I think there’s some version of me in the multiverse that stuck to writing earlier on in life and made it big. One of many reasons I didn’t do that is because I was afraid my passion would turn into something I’d hate when it became a job. Was the cure for that completely hanging it up for the better part of 2 decades to go work as a cog in the corporate machine? No, probably not. But, I’m here now, writing what I want; I’m working that muscle out again on my own terms. And for that reason, I’m thankful. (Insert Shark Tank meme.)
I did have a goal when I was in my very early 20’s to have my first book published by the time I turned 23. That turned into 28, which turned into “30’s,” and eventually it fell off my radar. The feeling of guilt I have for not honoring my goal is something that has stuck with me. However, on my healing journey, I can recognize that each moment propagates a new me. The Me back then didn’t know any better, and I can be proud of where Now Me is at. I can give myself room to understand that I was only working with the tools I had available to me back then, and I work to forgive the version of myself who’s judging her from afar.
At 35, I’ve learned so much about myself that it’s completely understandable why I didn’t start writing consistently and in a disciplined manner when I was 20. I could spend all day glamorizing that path, but ultimately it doesn’t feel right anymore. It’s not what happened for me, and I’m at peace with that. I could say the same thing for other habits that I’ve started fine-tuning just recently–I wish I started eating better sooner, working out consistently earlier in life, learned to go easier on myself when I was younger. But how could I have done any of those things, when I didn’t have that knowledge any earlier than I did?
What I’ve gathered at this point is that life is a classroom. There are lessons handed to us every day. We’re in the clinical trials as we’re learning. We’re bound to stumble and get the answers wrong sometimes when we’re learning as we go. There’s no sense in looking back on Day 1, Lesson 1 and being mad at ourselves for not passing Day 30, Lesson 30’s test. I appreciate my learning process more each day, and it’s part of what makes life beautiful; it’s never too early to see how lovely life really is.
The Word 