The Word

Tag: mental-health

  • Word of the Day

    Daily writing prompt
    What’s the best way to deal with negative thoughts?
    View all responses

    There are so many ways to deal with negative thoughts. Some are surface-level, quick-fix ways, and others take a little longer, but they help your foundation heal towards thinking positively by default.

    One quick, physical way to shed a negative spiral is to take a shower. Energy tends to stick around and stagnate; if you’re able to recognize that you’re stuck in a toilet bowl, flush it. In the shower, you strip your dirty layers and can find relaxation in the process; then, you come out as the embodiment of a fresh start. (Full disclosure that as a new mom, relaxing showers have become a gift that I no longer take for granted, so here’s a reminder to always consider the source 😉 ).

    Another way to flip those negative thoughts around: get fresh air. Go for a walk, in some greenery if you can. I feel my energy change after a hike in the woods. Being among trees and other plant life cleanses the electromagnetic energy from your aura, therefore helping the stickiness of those negative thoughts wear off. When I get grouchy, I can tell it’s time for a walk around my neighborhood, especially when I don’t feel like going. 100% of the time, I return in a better mood.

    While you’re on the walk, try speaking aloud a few things you’re grateful for. One very effective way to disperse that negativity is to redirect your focus onto gratitude. The deeper you are into the negativity, the more difficult this sounds; that’s just a signal that you need it more than ever. There’s no right or wrong answer for what you can name in your gratitude list. Just name the five or ten things and pay attention to how you feel afterwards. Eventually it’ll become habitual, and your life will feel lighter and appear brighter.

    If you’re already speaking about what you’re grateful for, you might as well try speaking to someone else about why you’re feeling down. Exorcise those negative feelings and thoughts in a constructive way–through a counselor or other neutral third party, not a friend or family member. This could be a therapist, someone in your church, or a guidance counselor at school; there are people trained in how to help you build a toolkit for how to deal with these things. My therapist has been crucial in my growth journey, and my friends and family are very thankful for her ;-P.

    Is exorcising the negativity with a therapist out of the picture for you? Exercise your body. We’ve touched on going for a hike, but maybe a punching bag would better suit your energetic needs. Weight training, body-weight movements, going for a run in your neighborhood, doing squats in front of your TV–when your body is able to use that energy, the negativity in your head loses its power source. In fact, that negativity running amok up there is the perfect fuel to maximize your movements. One day I was in my garage, punching the hell out of my punching bag, and during a break I started dancing. I…don’t dance. Except then, I was compelled to. I haven’t felt that good in such a long time, I’m now planning future dancing sessions.

    Let’s say nearly all of the above is out of reach. I can guarantee that you’re able to change up the music you listen to. There’s a whole genre dedicated to positive affirmations, and most of it is really fun to listen to. There are some songs that are so catchy, I find them stuck in my head for days, and that’s a magical thing. For example, I came across Cole Adams one day when doom scrolling, and the aftermath was me singing (or stimming?), “All the cells in my body are healthy; all the bones in my body are healthy; all my muscle tissue is healthy, and I am grateful.” Doom scrolling doesn’t normally end with me feeling great, but for that experience, I really am grateful. The words that are on repeat in your head matter, and they do affect your cells, your thoughts, and your sense of well-being. If it’s hard to come up with positive thoughts on your own, get one of the catchy songs stuck in your head to do it for you.

    My last two cents go to the idea that, if negativity has you in such a choke hold that nothing up there sounds feasible, then, to be blunt, you’re in need of a total lifestyle change. I kept this for last because it’s probably the hardest thing to do. However, it could be the most necessary. If your day-to-day is draining the life out of you, and you can no longer dig deep to find the light on the other side of it, then that goes beyond just having negative thoughts. I have such compassion for people in this position because I was there–I’ve felt cornered and questioned, “what’s the point of all this” if I had to keep living that way for the rest of my life? I’m here to confirm that there is such beauty and discovery to be made from life, there’s just a toxic leech poisoning you and your outlook. That leech, whatever form it has taken for you, can and should be removed from you. Life is not the problem; what you choose to accept in your life can become problematic, and it’s up to you to rid yourself of it. Is that hard and scary? Yes, but it’s worth it. This is your life we’re talking about! I can’t tell you how to do this for yourself, but I can recommend meditating on it and asking your higher self for clarity on the best path for you. Just know that there is a path out from the corner you feel stuck in, and it’ll lead you back to light and love.

    I say all of this from my own experience because I’ve been in a serious negative tailspin before. I’m certainly not immune to negativity. It’s hard but meaningful work to actively change your mindset, and while I’ve done a lot of that work, there’s still so much more to do. Building new neural pathways by recognizing when the negative takes hold, stopping it in its tracks, and then changing its direction, is like putting your brain through boot camp. And, like boot camp (I imagine), you get more skilled at it each day. It may not feel like it’s getting easier at first, but one morning you’ll wake up and realize you’re looking forward to the day again. You’ll understand that you are not your negative thoughts; that the season you just weathered has passed, and when it comes around again, you’re better equipped to handle the storm.

    “I am not my thoughts, I am the one who notices them.” – Cole Adams

  • Word of the Day

    Daily writing prompt
    What’s the best advice you’d give to someone younger than you?
    View all responses

    Man, I wish this prompt was more specific. I was just thinking earlier today, “I would do well (and have fun) writing an advice column!”

    (Does anyone need advice on an oddly specific circumstance? Send me a message!)

    In the meantime, let’s see what advice I can cook up for this vast population landscape…

    My Advice for Someone Younger than Me: It’s pretty cliche, but it boils down to “don’t take yourself too seriously.”

    While I stand by that, part of me wants to point out that I’m very excited by where I am currently in my life, and I wouldn’t be here now if I didn’t take myself entirely too seriously in my younger years. I’m just now learning, at 35, how to be more fluidly goofy. I hope that by the time my daughter turns 2, I know how to be a silly goose–but I’ve always been old for my age, and it’s hard for me to comprehend not being serious.

    There’s a lot to unpack for someone who takes life too seriously. It’s not like it’s wrong, or bad, or you’re off to a bad start if you’re intense, focused, results-driven, or–dare I say–deeply anxious. For me, it was (and is) a fear-driven response to me needing control, mainly over my future. If I got good grades, pitched perfect innings, nailed my job interviews, got timely promotions, and was liked well enough through all those stages, I would have checked off all the boxes to achieve The Happy Life that I Should Have By Now, right?

    Wrong! Now, I wasn’t living a bad life, but I was wedged so far under my own thumb that I couldn’t breathe. If I made one mistake, I would have a meltdown (of which there were many!). Over time, I had somehow created this sense of self-worth that only maintained my own uncompromising standards as long as I never screwed anything up. Which, spoiler alert, is impossible to do! Imagine being in your 20s–no, any age!–and not screwing anything up. It’s literally laughable now that I’m so far removed from that era of my life–which makes it a pretty sad reality for me when I look back. I did not have to be so hard on myself, and I’m actively working on healing that part of me to this day.

    If you’re someone younger than me who is taking life seriously, I salute you for your grit and determination. There is nothing wrong with you. You’re doing what makes you feel safe. Might I suggest that you take some dedicated time to dance, alone in your garage, where nobody can see how silly you might look? Or go to an open mic night at a comedy club and tell a story? Maybe instead you’d enjoy parking your car and walking, with too-heavy comforters and a backpack full of snacks, down to a secluded beach with your friend for a sandy outdoor sleepover? (That may have only worked because it was in 2009 and before the Age of Surveillance…).

    All this to say, my advice is to keep up with your responsibilities, but add this to your list: “Do something silly, and love myself through it.” If you must work, work on feeling whole, even when you are perceived to come up short. If you must achieve, be the best at forgiving yourself for your missteps. If you must focus, zero in on how great you’re doing at any given point. And if you must be perfect, know with 100% certainty that you already are–not despite, but because of your imperfections.

  • Word of the Day

    Daily writing prompt
    What’s the best way to build self-confidence?
    View all responses

    One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is that building self-confidence comes down to trusting yourself. By doing the things you tell yourself you’re going to do, your body, at a cellular level, will gain a deep sense of “knowing” that there’s always someone there who’s going to support, defend, or protect you–and that someone is you.

    Projecting confidence has nothing to do with the people around you, or how much those people like you, or anything other than what’s going on within yourself. Did you tell yourself you would vacuum the house today? Did you follow through with that plan, or did you put it off until “tomorrow”? How about those dishes you said you’d have done by now, did you do them? I’ll even throw this out there, and get over yourself if you think it’s gross: When is the last time you used the bathroom? Was it right away, when your body told you that you had to pee? Or did you make your body wait 35 minutes? Small actions where your body cooperates with your mind, when they’re in agreement–that’s where the construction starts.

    Some may attribute having confidence to a physical trait, like being muscular or toned. Does having a fit physique help with confidence? It may, but only because you told yourself you’d go to the gym and then followed through with it. The byproduct of being healthy and looking good bolster the sense of confidence, but that’s only half of it. How many people have you met who are stunning, or ripped, or model-esque, but reek of insecurity? I can count a handful myself. It starts and ends with the relationship between your thoughts and actions–the mind-body connection is key.

    I’ll say it again: Confidence has nothing to do with, and there is no strength derived from, other people liking you or thinking good things about you. Confidence has everything to do with how much you like yourself, the degree to which you can rely on yourself, and there is unwavering strength built when you know you have your own back.

  • Inaugural Post, Part 1 of Series: What’s the Deal (with my dreams?)

    Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

    As I write this, I have a crick in my neck on the left side. It’s tense enough that I can’t comfortably bring my ear closer to my shoulder. It could be from how I’m sleeping; from my pillow and positioning on the physical plane, or from the intense dreams I’ve been having in the metaphysical realm. 

    I found out late in life that not everyone has dreams. Most people dream but don’t remember them. Fewer people dream and can recollect some of the nonsensical settings (“I was in my house, but it wasn’t my house…”). In this way, I think I’m abnormal. I’ve always had vivid, detailed, and sometimes lucid dreams. I can remember the settings in such artistic terms that, if I was a talented painter, I would create visual masterpieces of texturized landscapes emitting colors that we have yet to know on Earth. I can identify faces of people I haven’t thought about in decades. I could pick out of a lineup those who I’ve met for the first time in my dream, usually trying to escape them in a frenzied thriller-type, movie-esque dash across an unknown town, through buildings and alleyways and stadiums and pyramids. 

    When I was young, probably ten years old, I had my most memorable lucid dream. I was inside a pyramid, and everything in it was solid gold. It was a single floor with pillars supporting what could have been a second floor. I was inside a swimming pool with my neighbors, Lisa and Emily. The pool was filled with snakes.

    The three of us were immersed in the snakes, looking at each other, seemingly unbothered by what we were surrounded by. I remember thinking, “This isn’t what I would’ve figured snakes felt like around my legs…” and, shortly thereafter, one of them got bit. I think it was Emily. She cried out in fear, but not pain; once the fear subsided, she feverishly tried to convince Lisa and I to get bitten as well.

    “OUCH! I just–wait, that didn’t hurt. One bit me! It doesn’t hurt! Try it, guys!” Lisa and I looked at each other, each of us wading in the pool chest-deep in snakes instead of water. Lisa was easily sold into the opportunity, which I found strange, as I felt the opposite.

    “Ah! Me too, just now. Emily is right, it doesn’t hurt! Try it, Shannon!” she said excitedly. I gave them both a look and said, “You guys are nuts, I’m not falling for this,” and made my way to the ladder to exit. They kept goading me to experience this apparently blissful bite. 

    I eventually said to them, “I’m not doing it, you’re both stupid. I’m not stupid,” as I grabbed onto the round chrome ladder handle. When I noticed it was the only thing in there that wasn’t gold, my calf felt it–I’d gotten bit. They were right; it didn’t hurt. What hurt more was admitting this to them after I’d called them stupid and affronted my superiority. I did admit it to them, though. It was pretty cool after all.

    Not as impressed as my neighbors, I continued up the ladder and left the pool. They stayed in, loving the bite thing way too much. I walked out and around to the head of the pool when suddenly a massive, absolute giant of a king cobra shot up out of the center of it. I had this dream way before Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets came out, but that’s what this creature emulated in its size. It was a monster.

    Being the only one not in the pool, I stood to witness the king cobra violently reaching up towards the ceiling, lashing its head side to side, and spotting Lisa in the pool beneath it. I watched as this Godzilla-like serpent reached its jaws down to swallow her whole, lift itself back up toward the golden bricks above it, and set its sights on Emily.

    Emily was already halfway out of the pool before she was spotted, so I yelled to her, “RUN!” She listened to me and ran like crazy into the center of the pyramid. It was at this point that I felt truly scared; luckily, she was luring the predator away from me, so I found a hiding spot behind an L-shaped pillar and leaned into the corner to catch my breath.

    I remember it being almost cartoonish, but still I felt afraid. I peered out from behind the golden structure shielding me to see Emily running with arms flailed, the serpent following suit behind her, somehow without urgency. She cried out to me, “What do I do?!” I felt right then as if I’d been put in a pressure cooker, faced with evading a giant predator while also figuring out a logic puzzle. At that moment, I found the solution–and also became lucid. 

    “Emily! On the count of three, scream ‘WAKE UP.’ Ready?” I yelled. She was still running around in circles in the middle of the pyramid but was able to respond in the affirmative. I bellowed out with such eager intention: “ONE…TWO…THREE…” then both of us in unison, with all our might: “WAKE UP!”

    My eyes shot open and I saw the white ceiling above my bed. My heart was pounding. Yes, the big snake was scary, but what did I just experience? I knew I was dreaming? And I could control it?

    I was fascinated, excited, and slightly regretful that I took such a quick exit. It being one of my first lucid dreams, I can’t blame myself for jumping the gun like that, but I did wonder what else I could’ve explored in there had I let the fear subside. Actually, it wasn’t until I typed this that I made the connection between that fearful reaction and the one from inside the pool, when I was so sure being bitten by the dream-snakes would be “stupid.” Fear had stopped me from experiencing–both in the beginning, and in the end, of that dream. 

    There was no plan for my first post in my revived blog. I just felt a need to write something down. My dreams lately have been so energetically charged that writing about them, and starting from the beginning of my lore, was the obvious choice. Now, after getting that out, I see an eerie tie to my present state of mind and how I have a lesson to learn. Fear is nothing but the uncomfortable ropes holding me back from the essence of life. 

    I had nothing to fear in the pool before the snake bit me. I was even told as much, but I resisted it. I had nothing to fear when the giant cobra was hunting us. And I have nothing to fear now, whether I’m asleep or awake. “Life has a way of working out” is a common quote, one that I’ve more or less dismissed because of such commonality; its being popular has no bearing on its truth, though, and I feel like I’m just now waking up to that fact.